


like a ghost

by ghostscribe



Series: 9,000 meters above sea level [8]
Category: Pocket Monsters | Pokemon (Main Video Game Series)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mental Health Issues, its ya boi ghostscribe what else would it be but angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-04
Packaged: 2020-06-03 18:57:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19470106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostscribe/pseuds/ghostscribe
Summary: "You're throwing the match."Red's answer is distinctly Red; silence. Like a ghost.





	like a ghost

_"Pi piii..."_

"I'm not hungry."

Red's voice is light, almost inaudible, as it often is, because he talks so infrequently. It's as if his voice is fading, or as if _he's_ fading, or as if he's already faded away, and this is an echo of Red instead of Red himself. It's a hard scene to describe, but being in the moment always feels the same. It's a resonance of a lot of quiet feelings, quiet fear and fatigue and something like frustration over the fact that he won't just go home or something. It gets cold up here - rather, it's _always_ cold up here, he's always cold, and he wants to go back home. He wants to run around the fields by Pallet Town, he wants to explore caves and forests and beach fronts again, but Red has elected to live here, and so he's condemned to a life of frozen isolation.

Sure, he's tried to convince him to go back down, but it always ends the same way as when Green tries to convince him, _are you coming down_ and _no,_ respectively. Green and Red always have that exchange, and it's always been the same exchange, every time, every single time.

_"Pikaa."_

"No."

Pikachu feels like that's the only word Red can say some days.

It sucks, too, because he doesn't know what he can do to help his trainer. The best he's managed to do is convince him to follow his survival instincts, with eating food and drinking water and such, but even that's a shot in the dark some days, like it is today, Red and his _I'm not hungry_ thing he does. Pikachu doesn't understand it all the way, doesn't understand how Red can elect to just ignore his body's needs, but somehow he does, and when he does, it's up to his team to convince him to eat or whatever. It kinda doesn't help that Red hasn't slept lately either, which means he really doesn't have an appetite, but if he doesn't eat, he's only gonna get worse, and not be able to sleep, and so on. It's this nasty cycle he gets himself caught up in, and Pikachu isn't sure how to pull Red outta it.

 _"Pi chu ka."_ _I don't care,_ he means to say, then he growls at his trainer. _Finish your food or somethin's gonna happen._

"I'm fine."

 _Bullshit,_ in a half-hiss, half yelp.

Red looks up at him, and Pikachu can't hold up his attitude, because it's not like being mad at him ever helps, as Green learned early on, even though it was a valiant attempt at bringing Red and them all home. It's hard, though, because he can't stay mad at someone with that look in his eyes - rather, he can't stay mad at _Red_ when he gives him that look, tired and sad and struggling with human emotions that are just a little out of Pikachu's range of empathy. Espeon has tried to explain it to him before, but he's always been kinda clueless nonetheless. _Depression_ is a word she's been throwing around lately, but it's a hard concept to understand.

"Want some rice?"

Pikachu lays in front of the bowl and chirrs at Red. _If you eat, I'll eat._

"...we'll split it."

Eh. Half a meal is better than he did yesterday, so Pikachu will take it.

He wonders if the whole "not listening to basic survival instincts" is part of the "depression" thing, but he'd have to ask Espeon, but she doesn't like talking about it unless Red is asleep, because Red will get upset, and then they fight, and then it's just tense for the whole rest of the night. It's hard for Pikachu to understand where Red is coming from, as a result. He doesn't know if the depression is just the reason Red is sad all the time, or if there's more to it - and if he has the depression thing, he wonders how they'd fix it. Sometimes Red is really happy to see Green, but sometimes he's still sad. Sometimes Red just has a week where he seems fine, like the depression thing is gone, but then it's back, and Red is sad again, and then he's decent, then bad, good, bad, bad, okay, _really_ bad, he just waves in and out of it, so Pikachu isn't sure if it ends or... or what.

All he knows is that he worries about Red. Pikachu worries about Red a lot.

The one thing he understands well is the therapy Pokémon thing he's doing for Red, though, because they got that figured out before Red ran away, when they were still living with mom, and when Red was first dealing with the anxiety thing he deals with. Bouts of fear make more sense to Pikachu than bouts of... of whatever the depression entails. He knows how to calm Red down when he's scared, but he never learned how to pick him back up, how to energize him, and that's why this is so hard.

Pikachu looks back at the bowl of rice. It looks like he already ate his half, so now it's up to Red, who has elected to stop eating, since Pikachu stopped.

 _"Piii..."_ _Red,_ said in a particular intonation, like how Red makes up whistles for everyone.

"Hm?"

 _Eat._ He nudges the bowl closer to Red, who kinda pushes it back, so Pikachu shoves it forward again. _"Pi!"_

"I'm really not hungry."

Pikachu feels his tail twitch, fatigue nipping at mind, because he's tired of trying to work with Red when he's like this - well, no, he's tired of _failing_ Red when he's like this, because he hates failing, and he hates failing _Red_ over all else.

 _"Pi kaa?"_ _One more bite?_

Red is still for a moment, silent, like a ghost. Pikachu takes a more direct approach and hops on Red's shoulders, then kinda leans on his head, so he leans toward the rice.

"Okay, okay," Red grins, laughs on his words, even though he still has that sad look, but it's better than nothing. Sometimes forcing him to do stuff makes it worse, but sometimes it makes it better. Pikachu never forces him into anything when he's feeling anxious, but when it's the depression, it's a shot in the dark, or maybe Pikachu just doesn't understand this part of him.

He curls up in Red's lap while he finishes eating; slowly, yes, but he's eating, and that's good, that means he's not gonna pass out next time they go training. That happened once, and it sucked, because it was so windy, and Pikachu couldn't wake Red up, so he had to get Snorlax out of her ball to carry him back to the cave, and then Red was cold for a long time, and it was just a bad time all-around. He tries not to let that happen anymore.

Pikachu purrs softly in Red's lap. Sometimes he likes to pretend everything is normal.

"You're up for training tomorrow, by the way," Red comments, scratching the top of Pikachu's head, so the rest of what he says kinda goes in one ear and out the other. "It looks like the storm's gonna miss us and go down toward Johto. We'll have four or five clear hours between the storm passing and sunset. We're gonna go closer to the summit for the first half of the day, then focus on agility inside."

Yep, sounds good. Not that he's listening.

_"Charr!"_

Pikachu goes straight into attack mode. He knows that Charizard.

 _"Pika!"_ _Let's go!_

Red looks confused. "They'll come in."

_"Piii."_

Red just rolls his eyes. "Relax. They won't be long."

Ugh, come on. Red doesn't know a battle growl from a Charizard when he hears one, and one of his team members _is_ a Charizard. Sometimes his trainer is oblivious. Usually he's good at Pokémon related stuff, but sometimes he's like this, and it's just frustrating. Also, he hasn't been taking care of himself, so he's probably just kinda outta it to begin with.

 _"Pikaka!"_ There's no real translation there, it's more of his own battle cry. It's gotten softer the longer they've been living on the mountain.

"Can you just - " Y'know what, nah, he's not convincing Red to come out anymore. He's gonna run, and Red'll follow him. "W-Wait!"

And, to his delight, Pikachu hears Red pick up his pokéball belt as he gives chase. That means they can go right out and battle.

_"Kaaka!" Chairzard!_

_Ugh, you,_ Charizard growls gruffly at him, because he's no fun, he's just always grumbly around Pikachu for some reason.

"Good to see you too, Red," Green greets his friend, and Red waves back quietly. It's gonna be a quiet day.

Pikachu chirrs at Charizard. _I wanna battle. Now,_ emphasis on the _now._

Charizard huffs. _Your trainer doesn't seem interested in battling._

_Neither does yours, but I don't care._

Another growl. _You're too much._

Pikachu hisses at him, then looks back at Red. He's signing to Green, and Green is answering quietly and nodding along. They've both been learning sign language lately, after Red decided that maybe it actually would be a good idea to know it, even if he doesn't interact with that many people anyway. It's kinda a preemptive thing, in case he's ever somewhere where he can't talk, but he has to say something somehow. It kinda sucks that Red just can't talk sometimes. He's nice. He doesn't deserve to struggle with that kind of thing.

"...but I can almost guarantee you I'm gonna get snowed in," Green concludes some thought, "so don't expect me to come back until next week."

Red whines softly, but Pikachu can hear him from over here. It's the _I'm not happy about this_ whine he does when he doesn't want to just say _I'm not happy about this_ upfront.

"Don't pout at me. I don't control the weather."

 _"Pii!"_ Pikachu calls out to Green, tail twitching with anticipation. He's so ready to just _do_ something, because Red has been in his slump-y depress-y mood for like a week now, and Pikachu is kinda sick of just plain old training, and since there's finally some real competition -

"What do you want?" Green asks, a little short, matching Charizard's tone. Like trainer, like Pokémon.

"Battle," Red answers softly. Pikachu nods.

 _You have too much energy,_ Charizard grumbles.

 _And you're boring,_ he retorts with a chatter. _"Piii."_

Red just nods. If Green accepts, then it's on.

"Wait, wait, wait," Green puts a hand on Red's shoulder in the weird way that he does. "Did you eat today?"

Red nods, even though he only ate half a meal. Green turns to Pikachu for confirmation, and yeah, it's a little bit of a lie, but he nods too, because he wants to _do_ something.

"...alright, fine. I'll play your game." Green answers at last, as if he didn't intend to battle Red, which he certainly did, because he doesn't turn Red's battles down, even if Red always wins.

Oh, and Red always wins, and that's what makes this so difficult for him. If he didn't always win, he wouldn't be the World Champion, and maybe they would be back at home, but things happened in the way that they did, and now they're here, and Pikachu just misses the feeling of warm sunlight on his cheeks.

Pikachu hops alongside Red as the four of them (grumbly Charizard included) trek up to the summit of the mountain. Red likes battling there, for some reason. Pikachu doesn't ask questions, though. Maybe it's just more spacious.

"So, Red." Green stands at the opposite end of the area from Red, while Red stands nearer the cliff. "Is this a proper battle?"

Red nods once, firmly.

"So if I win, I take my title back." Another nod. "Fair enough."

Oh, and he won't, and that's what's making this so difficult.

"3, 2, 1," Green counts a little too fast, because they know how this will end, "Begin. Charizard, Fire Blast."

 _Surf,_ Red whistles, and he's off.

The snow below his paws is freezing, but that's none of his concern right now, so unimportant that he almost can't even feel it. The sparks flying off his body electrify the air, something or other happens to the chemistry of the water molecules, and ripples of water kick up into the tsunami, a gift for Pikachu's less-than-friendly rival.

There's a split second of nothingness, then it all collapses at once. There's fire and ice and water, everything is melting and freezing and freezing again, as it does, and when Pikachu can open his eyes again, he takes a good look at the damage ahead of him. Charizard is shouting and shaking the water off himself, teetering between freezing and boiling.

Oh, man, the heat from the burn actually feels nice in this weather.

 _Come back,_ Red whistles, and Pikachu is off. Charizard learned Earthquake recently, so he's not entirely safe on the field right now. Pikachu hops up onto Red's shoulders just as Blastoise takes the field.

"Dodge, then Dragon Claw," Green calls, and - huh. Actually, he's missing some of his usual spunk. Wonder why.

Red whistles for Surf again, Blastoise's Surf this time, which comes a lot faster and hits a lot harder. Even with Charizard dodging the worst of the wave, he still takes that hit - augh, that Dragon Claw looks nasty, though. That looked like it hurt. Charizard's gonna be down soon, either way.

"Switch out," Green calls, then Machamp is on the field, of all the Pokémon he could've sent out. "Dynamic Punch."

One long, haunting whistle echoes off the cliffs, like a ghost, like Red. _Blizzard._ Blastoise weathers Machamp's hit, but it does come at a bit of a price.

"You and your fuckin' blizzards, huh?" Oh, Green's mad, or maybe worried, or both, and that's why he's not so snarky today, because he wants Red to be okay, and he's just not. "Thunder Punch!"

 _"Pi pi."_ _Oh shit._ Red's little gasp conveys the same feeling.

Red only whistles for a _dodge,_ then adds a _Surf_ in for good measure, but Blastoise is already down. So it's 6-5, in Green's favor, or something. Pikachu doesn't usually keep count of the wins the way Espeon does.

Speaking of; _Espeon, Psychic._

Espeon darts out into the gales of snow, and it's hard for Pikachu to see what's up, but he can hear Machamp shouting at her, and he can hear her growling back.

 _Green is getting more strategic about this, isn't he?_ Espeon asks Pikachu telepathically. _Thunder Punch is new._

 _Doesn't help much, but sure._ He kinda refuses to give Green that satisfaction when Blastoise just fainted. Ah, that re-registers in Pikachu's head, and now he's mad. He always gets mad when his team members faint. That's rude - _I mean, yeah,_ he tells himself, _that's a battle, but still that's my friend, you jerk._

"Rhydon, come on! Mega Horn!" Shoot, that's a bug move, so Espeon's gonna hate that.

 _Reflect, then come back!_ Oh, never mind. Red's got it. He doesn't know how to feed himself, but he can sure battle.

Rhydon's attack bounces off a barrier of psychic light, then Espeon rushes back through the snow and over to Red. Green's probably gonna swap too, as he does, so Red figures out who to send in: Green will recall a ground type for something strong against grass, for Charizard, so - oh, that's his cue, then. Pikachu hops back on the field without even that whistle, and Green sends in -

"Earthquake!"

_Oh shoot he's not switching -_

_Dodge, Surf!_ , whistled frantically over the wind. Red's a little off his game today, but then again, it seems like Green is a little off too, except for the fact that Green is actually doing a really good job, and Pikachu duly remembers that Red said something like _if someone was going to take my title, I'd want it to be you,_ or something to that effect.

...huh.

The earth shakes around Pikachu, but he's on a sturdy enough part of the mountain that he's mostly unscathed. There's still some rubble buffeting him around, though, breaking his circuits, so to speak. He charges up for Surf with a glare towards Rhydon.

 _That's a cheap move on your trainer's part, you know,_ Rhydon roars.

 _Shut up!_ Yeah, no, he doesn't take kindly to people offending his trainer.

"Rhydon, again."

And this time, Pikachu doesn't have a chance to dodge. The wave hits Rhydon, but it could've done more damage, and Pikachu could've sustained less damage, and it just seems like this was a bad roll for him, he took a chance and he got mad and messed it up.

Red calls Pikachu back. He... Red isn't mad at him, right?

 _"Piii pi..." Sorry,_ and Red nods, _it's okay,_ and he tosses Venusaur onto the field. _Giga Drain._

"Stealth Rock," Green calls, which means if _Pikachu's_ Charizard (er, Red's, rather) switches in, that's bad news, but Exeggutor hasn't been out yet, and they might need some fire for him, so that'll be interesting. Either way, Giga Drain knocks Rhydon right out.

"Exeggutor," speak of the devil, "Psychic."

 _Again,_ just to get some health back. Psychic does its damage, Giga Drain heals Venusaur enough to last a few more turns, then she's back in her ball. There's this half-second where Red's hand flutters over his pokéballs as he considers what to do next, but he opts for the easy option, because there's no strategy when Red battles Green, it's all instinct.

Although, today, his instincts seem a little off.

"You fucker," Green mutters, because Charizard is on the field, and even the Stealth Rock stuff isn't enough to knock him out off the bat. "Trick Room."

Uh. What?

Exeggutor does something, sending off huge waves of weird psychic energy, and it's weird, it feels like time is all out of whack. Pikachu can't really tell what that did, because he's never seen that move before, but Charizard takes a second longer to use Flame Thrower than he usually does. Exeggutor is unconscious nonetheless.

"Slowking," oh boy, "Surf." _Oh boy._

 _Dodge,_ but Red's whistle is cut off by the wave of water, moving _way_ too fast for Charizard to outrun, which doesn't make sense, because Charizard is _really_ fast, way faster than a Slowking, so... so what? Is this the effect of that Trick Room thing? Charizard is down for the count either way.

Red sends Venusaur back out, and whistles for _Toxic,_ of all things, instead of Giga Drain-ing Slowking out of the water (no pun intended).

"...Psychic." Green hesitates to make his call, but Slowking is _still_ faster. Venusaur is really taking some damage now, but Slowking is poisoned, so it works well enough.

 _"Piii?" Red?_ Something's wrong. He can tell the battle is weird right now, but something is wrong with _Red_ specifically, and now he's worried, because he doesn't know if he knows how to help or not.

"Again."

 _Synthesis,_ even though it's too snowy for that to heal _that_ much health, and what the hell, that's just a bad call.

 _"Pika pi!" Giga Drain instead!_ To be honest, Pikachu has never been clear on whether a Pokémon making their decision against their trainer is illegal in a Championship battle or not, but right now he just cares about keeping Venusaur moving. He's sure Red does too, but he's not _acting_ like it, and something just seems wrong.

Venusaur takes Pikachu's advice instead, opting to leech off of Slowking, and now they're at about even health, even after the damage from a repeated Psychic. Red glances between Pikachu and Venusaur, makes his decision, and whistles for Pikachu to get out there. _Thunder,_ of course.

"Dodge, Ice Beam!" He's maybe hoping Slowking will freeze Pikachu, but no dice. He's used to the cold. He's used to the cold and he hates it. Slowking is successful in his dodge, though, so Pikachu still gets the short end of the stick.

 _Is he okay?_ Slowking asks Pikachu with a low yawn.

_"Pii pi." I hope._

"Get back," Green calls. "Eevee, go for it."

Eevee lands in the snow, and in the half second it takes her to register what's going on, she grins at him, then runs full-force to him with Facade.

_"Voi vee!" Nice to see ya!_

_"Pii ka." You too,_ said more timidly, because his mind is in two places at once, in the battle and with Red and his weird calls.

"Shadow Ball!"

_Quick Attack._

Their attacks land, and for the moment, the world sorta falls away, as if this is all their is, just him and her, just battles that he can't seem to lose. The first battle he fought against Green was against her, really, against Eevee, and they kept Quick Attack-ing at each other, trying to get the upper hand, and it was fun -

"Swift!'

_Again._

\- oh, and it was a good time, he _was_ having fun when it was just Red and Green against the world -

"Shadow Ball!"

_Again._

\- and he _was_ having fun when Red was still happy -

"Last Resort!"

_Again._

\- but now it's just Red whistling on top of the world, and it isn't fun anymore, and it doesn't make him happy anymore, and it isn't _anything_ anymore.

"Hold up, Red."

Pikachu skids to a stop, gasping for breath, and Eevee takes this moment to run over to him and nuzzle some of the ice off of him.

 _"Vee ve?"_ _Are you okay?_

 _"Puh..."_ He tries to flick his tail at her for _yes, I'm fine, thank you for asking,_ but he's too winded right now. _"Pi..."_

 _Hey, it's okay!_ Eevee purrs at him. _You're doing amazing! Catch your breath and we'll get right back into it!_

 _Don't think so,_ Pikachu chirrs.

_Huh?_

The two of them look between Red and Green, both silent, both their eyes steadfast on each other. 

"...what?" Red asks, so softly, as if nothing is wrong, but something is certainly wrong, and Green has finally decided to call him on it.

"You're throwing the match."

Red's answer is distinctly Red; silence. Like a ghost.

Red just... looks at Green, with that unwavering gaze, as if nothing was said. It's the stoic persona he leans into every so often, and whenever he realizes that's not who he is, he breaks down crying, so the battle probably isn't going to finish. What was the score anyway? 4-3 or something? Even when he tries to throw the match, Red still has a leg up, apparently.

Anyway, that's, uh, that's quite the accusation, and he hates that Green might not be wrong.

"What do you mean?" Red asks. His tone is kinda flat. It's just barely a question.

"You send Venusaur against multiple Psychic attacks, Pikachu against Rhydon, Charizard out into a Stealth Rock, you don't even _try_ to use Snorlax when I gave you a Trick Room - and you know you know what that is," even though Pikachu doesn't, "'cause we talked about before - and, fuck, Red, _four_ Quick Attacks in a _row?_ What are you doing?"

No answer. 

"Look, if you didn't wanna battle, all you had to do was say it," Green snaps. "If you _just_ wanted Pikachu to have some time to battle, we could've just done a quick 2 on 2 or something. You could've even just sent Pikachu off with Eevee and let 'em have at it. You know they're fine with that."

The guilt of causing this battle, and subsequently this argument, even if it isn't a direct correlation, hits Pikachu all at once, and now he wants nothing more than to crawl into his pokéball until everyone stops being mad at each other, and he doesn't even _like_ his pokéball, because he wants to protect Red, and he wants to make Red happy, but he's actually failing that today, he did the _opposite_ of that and that's _awful_ because he should've _known_ something was way off because he's a _therapy Pokémon_ and _how could I let you down like this -_

 _"Veve voi..." Pikachu,_ but he kinda can't reply right now. Like trainer, like Pokémon.

"Are you gonna answer me, or what?" Green snaps. "Red."

And Red collapses into the snow.

_"Piii!!"_

"Red?!"

_"Ve!"_

They rush to him, and he's conscious, but he's shaking, and he's not responding, so it's like he's unconscious. If Pikachu didn't feel guilty before, he sure does now.

 _Wake up, wake up, c'mon, answer me!_ Red doesn't answer Pikachu's squeaks, though, nor anyone else. _Red!!_

No answer. Like a ghost.

Green just sighs after a moment, sounding somewhere between worried and _yeah, figures._ "Alright, you're comin' with me. Pikachu, Eevee, stay close."

 _"Pii chu..." Alright,_ he reluctantly agrees, and he lets Green pick Red up and carry him back to the cave, while Eevee nudges Pikachu along. Pikachu's mind is kinda empty.

Green sets Red down in his pile of blankets, wrapping him up for warmth. His eyes dart between Red's frozen expression and the pile of healing items in the corner.

"Can one've you get me a revive or a full heal? We need some heat in here, and neither of our Charizard are doing too good."

Pikachu darts over to the pile and comes back with a revive for his (yes, Red's, but still) Charizard, which Green uses to heal him. Even just sending Charizard out into the cave makes everything so much warmer, which is nice, but Pikachu still feels cold, but it's a phantom cold, like a ghost, like Red, like, like - like he didn't earn the heat, like how Red keeps training because _I didn't earn sleep yet,_ even though that seems ridiculous and it _is_ ridiculous and yet -

 _"Veve voi."_ _Pikachu._ He snaps out of whatever he was in when Eevee licks his cheek, even though that must've shocked her. He looks around, gathering himself. Charizard lit the fire. Green is whispering to a still unresponsive Red. Things are still bad.

_"Chu." I'm fine._

_Nuh-uh,_ she grumbles back.

_I am. I'm gonna check on Red._

_Nope._ She pounces on him, keeping him in place. _Relax. Green's got it._

 _He's_ my _trainer, Eevee,_ he growls. _I'm gonna cheer him up._

 _Not 'til I cheer_ you _up!_

_I'll be fine if he's fine! Get off!_

_He won't be happy if_ you're _not happy,_ Charizard rumbles at them _. Rest. Both of you._

He and Eevee look at each other, and... yeah. There's no arguing that.

"You there, Red?" Green whispers, and finally, Red speaks, and it's more words than Pikachu expected to hear, and it's not words he wanted to hear, but it's also exactly what Pikachu expected him to say -

"I don't wanna win anymore."

\- because he doesn't like this anymore.

And there's nothing Pikachu can do to change that.

"Is that why you tried to throw the match?" Green asks softly, suddenly losing his edge from before, probably because he can see what a state Red is in. Red just nods at him. "I mean... I guess I could let you lose, but... I dunno, isn't that kinda...?"

Pikachu isn't sure what Green means to say, and from the looks of it, neither does Eevee.

"Kinda what?"

"It doesn't really count if you throw a match, so wouldn't you still be the Champion anyway?"

Pause. "I don't care." One more pause. "I don't like this any - "

Finally, as anticipated, Red shatters. He loses his voice on that _anymore,_ and just sobs, and _now_ Pikachu thinks he should run to him, but -

"I know."

\- but sometimes, Red just needs Green -

"I'm sorry."

\- because Green can offer more comfort to him than any of their Pokémon can -

"I'm here."

\- because Red has been in love with him for years.

Yeah, that's a thing. Even if Green doesn't know it, that's part one of two as to why Green is such a comforting presence to Red, because sometimes Red likes to pretend they're a couple in these weird quiet ways, and it makes him happy, because it's safer than actually telling Green, and it's safer than doing something to potentially "ruin this friendship," Red said. Part two is just that Green is so good about knowing what Red wants, and what he needs, and it's that intuition that tells him exactly what to do and what to say and what _not_ to do to make Red feel better.

With all that being said, Pikachu finds it hard to believe that love would even have a _chance_ at ruining their relationship, but Red is stubborn, and he's probably not gonna tell Green for awhile.

...why is Eevee still sitting on him?

 _Get off,_ he chirrs quietly.

_No._

_Why?_

_You're sad._

He just sighs. She's not wrong. She's warm, at least.

Pikachu half listens to Red and Green murmur to each other, talking about Champion stuff, about throwing the battle, stress and anxiety, something about coming home, and another _no_ in the same voice, with the same force, even when Red is like this.

"Do you feel any better?" Green asks after maybe an hour of on-and-off talking.

"Mhm."

"Not panicking anymore?"

"Mm-mm." Red shakes his head.

"So you're not gonna shut down on me again, right?"

Pause. "I'll try not to."

Green breathes in, but seems to resist the urge to sigh. "That's all I can ask of you."

Then Green does that thing that he does. Green sighs, and he holds Red closer, kinda looks at him, leans in, then just sits his chin on Red's shoulder. Pikachu always wonders what he's trying to do when he does that.

"...you all doing okay?" Green asks the Pokémon, now, now that Red is not better, but at least stable.

_"Charr." Fine._

_"Voi ve!" All good!,_ with a false pep, but she's very convincing.

 _"Pi." Yeah._ He's not as good an actor.

"Good." And his attention is back on Red, who's still refusing to let go - not that he needs to, anyway.

Pikachu looks at Eevee, seeking... something, maybe comfort, but she doesn't know what's wrong.

 _What's on your mind?_ she asks.

He's quiet for a moment now, but he asks something that he kinda thinks he shouldn't even be asking.

_Should we quit?_

She tilts her head at him. _You mean battling?_

_Yeah._

She doesn't answer right away. _I think you and Red need to figure out what would make you happy._

True. _What do you think?_

Her eyes dart between Green and Red. _You think he misses him?_

 _Well, yeah,_ and he kinda hesitates to purr this next bit, but... _I miss you a lot, too._

Eevee hops off of him, but curls up even closer, somehow. _Me too._

_Do you think Red'll bring us home some day?_

Silence. Then, _I hope so._

All he can do is hope when every visit ends with _are you coming home_ and _no._

_Me too._

All Pikachu can do is hope his ghost comes home one day. 

**Author's Note:**

> hi welcome to _i tried to keep writing[Something, Everything About You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16967817/chapters/39878289) and accidentally wrote a 9000 meters work in Pikachu's pov somehow_
> 
> i imagine while Pikachu is a Professional Good Boy and takes care of Red, there's some things that Pokémon just can't quite understand, and Red having a Lot of mental health issues is therefore a little out of his league. also, i'd imagine Pikachu thinks in run-on sentences a lot, so hopefully i both A) did that justice here, and B) still made it legible fdhsjk
> 
> also featuring the thing i wanted to write where Red tries to purposely lose bc stress and Green is like _um excuse you_
> 
> iiii'm gonna actually try to finish an actual incomplete work now but enjoy this sad boy and his electric mouse in the meantime! ~~casually realizing 9000 meters will never be truly finished bc im just gonna keep writing more stuff for it lmaooo~~
> 
> also - i'm alive! i just had a nasty months long writers block!! huzzah!!!!


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